Utter frustration

How hard a line should someone take with respect to homophobia??

I'm really frustrated and annoyed right now. I'm caught up in a mental dilemma over whether or not I'm justified in being annoyed by certain people's actions/comments over the past couple of days. I don't want to be an overly sensitive bastard, but in the same sense I don't think that I should tolerate veiled intolerance.....

For example:

1. I was present for an exchange between a friend of mine (Jane Roe) and a friend of hers (John Doe) - where John asked Jane if she was going to 'Alternative' bar review, after which he laughed condescendingly. Upon noticing my obvious annoyance - he said "I don't know why I laughed" to which I responded "Neither do I" and then I walked away. Later Jane actually defended this gentleman on the ground that "Come on, he's just a guy" - which in my view is a categorically invalid justification - especially coming from Jane. So - basically I think that this guy is a dick....now maybe I'm overreacting, I mean really, how much can you learn about a person from one little laugh in one little conversational exchange........well, maybe a lot. If the whole idea of a gay-themed/gay-positive bar review is funny to this guy, to me that reads that his gut reaction to gay people/gay culture is that it isn't to be taken seriously - and to that I say: "Fuck You."
2. Secondly, a another friend of mine (John Doe II) has an ongoing bet with someone regarding the number of drinks that he thinks that he'll be bought tonight at bar review, the logic being that he's a guy & he's going to a gay bar, obviously he'll be profusely hit upon. Christ, hello stereotypes - gay people don't want to date/fuck straight people.....get over yourself.
3. Lastly, a good friend of mine isn't coming to this event tonight and it really makes me mad/sad.....I know I'm not justified, and I know it isn't an external marker of the value of our friendship, but I can't help but wonder that if I had organized this 'Lefty' bar review at Shady Grove as opposed to 5801 - that he might have made an appearance.

I don't know - I'm just kind of disappointed in my friends - I want them to be perfect and they're not - which is understandable, because none of us are - and maybe I'm reading too much into this shit - but right now I feel like the people that I care about and respect a lot, are being dicks - not all of them of course.....and I don't think that anyone is being intentionally dick-like....but nonetheless.

I kind of want to say Fuck it - not go tonight, and hop a flight to Philly to have dinner with Chris & Gena..........there's a 5:10 on Southwest.......

BTW - I've haven't used anybody's real names just in case they've got their future sights on becoming a judge or a law professor......wow, I'm damn courteous.